Sherlock Holmes and Watson are camping in the desert; they set up their tent and fall asleep. Some hours later, Sherlock Holmes wakes his friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replies, "Me see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" asks Sherlock Holmes. Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you,?" Sherlock Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth? Hard cheese.
 "What shall we play today?" said Florence to her best friend Jenny.What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth? Hard cheese.
 "What shall we play today?" said Florence to her best friend Jenny. "Let's play schools," said Jenny. "OK!" said Florence. "But I'm going to be absent. "Let's play schools," said Jenny. "OK!" said Florence. "But I'm going to be absent.

The Top 10 Ways to Annoy People 
1. Leave the copy machine set to 99 copies, reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper.
  2. In the memo field of all your checks write "for sensual massage." 
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 
4. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up." 
5. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." 
6. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy." 
7. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. 
8. Staple papers in the middle of the page. 
9. Ask people what gender they are. 
10. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
 

Creative Ways To Say Someone Is Stupid 
A few crumbs short of a crouton. 
A few clowns short of a circus. 
A few fries short of a Happy Meal. 
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
 A few beers short of a six-pack.
 A few peas short of a casserole. 
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
 One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
 One taco short of a combination plate. 
A few feathers short of a whole duck All foam, no beer. 
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel. 
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
 He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
 An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
 As smart as bait.
 Chimney's clogged.